A little while ago I read a story about a man being kicked off an Alaska Airlines plane after catcalling a stewardess. Apparently while she was giving her safety presentation he said something along the lines of “sexy” in her direction. He was asked to be respectful and replied that he was “just joking around.” The stewardess talked with her coworkers and the man was removed from the plane shortly after. Maybe its the fact that I am obsessed with psychology and society interactions, or maybe its simply being nosey, but I love going through the comments on stories like this to see how other people are reacting and feeling when something controversial happens. This story had a lot of positive and negative responses but the one that surprised me the most was my own.
I am ashamed to say that my first response was “well that's a bit of an overreaction.” Then I instantly reflected on my thought and why I would respond that way. I thought about all the times that I have been the subject of unwanted sexual advances even when they are just verbal. I thought about how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin when being hit on even in a “playful manner.” I thought about how carefully I pick my clothes in an attempt to walk that fine line between presentable but not sexual which with our society is a VERY, FINE, LINE. I remembered feeling fearful when walking alone after being catcalled wondering if it was innocent or if that man was going to follow and possibly harm me; and I realized I don’t protect my own worth.
As much as I believe I am a feminist who can do everything on my own and I do not need a man. I am unwilling to speak up for myself when it matters most. Society has programed me to believe that it is ok for a man to objectify me and I should be “flattered” when they yell “sexy” in my direction while I walk down the street. I have been taught that my appearance is directly related to my overall worth and when my appearance is commented on I somehow become more valuable making my presence in that space more important. I have been taught that it would be rude to show how uncomfortable I am to the man commenting on my looks no matter how unwanted those comments are. He hasn't touched me inappropriately right? So what's the big deal? For that matter I have been taught that you put up with the guy at the office who always stares a little south of your face because calling him out on it would be disrespectful and you hug your creepy uncle because it would be rude not to. In fact the only time it is actually ok for a woman to stand up for herself is if a man physically forces himself onto an area of her body covered by her under garments. Everything else is fair play when it comes to my personal space.
I reflected on these societal standards and I thought about my daughter. I thought about her going to work and having to be polite while her body is clearly objectified. I considered how I would feel if that stewardess was my daughter and if they hadn't kicked that man off the plane. I pictured her serving him beverages politely after he so clearly disrespected her. I was livid when I realized that out of all the women on that plane, only one had the courage to actually call him out on his actions. (because we were all raised in the society I mentioned above) and instead of him apologizing for clearly offending her, he tried to turn it around and place the blame on her….
I learned a lot today about my feelings regarding sexual advances and how they should be handled. Alaska Airlines I want to personally thank you for not only protecting this woman's mental health, but for teaching me that I am worth speaking up for. That my body is not here for anyone else's pleasure and that speaking up for myself is not only respecting myself, but it is also the right thing to do. I truly hope that other companies follow in your footsteps so that by the time my daughter is old enough to notice the stares, she will also be brave enough to stop them.
