To my Babies,
Its been a long time since I last wrote to you. I have tried
several times to pick up a pen and write you a letter but each time I am met
with the knowledge that what I say today may hold no weight a year from now. So
I kept waiting, waiting until I felt certain I had the answers, the knowledge,
the secrets to life I could pass down to you and stand behind for generations
to come. I was waiting for a feeling of certainty to once again wash over me as
it had when I was younger and saw the world in black and white.
But that feeling never came, and its now been four years
since my last letter to you. Whats strange is that, although the confidence I have
in my knowledge of life itself is lower than its ever been, the confidence I carry
in who I am is at an all
time high. I feel more connected to myself, what makes me tick, my foundation
of morals and overall sense of peace in my own skin than I ever have before.
So my children, I cannot tell you about life, what boxes to
check, what rules to adhere to, what choices to make in order to be happy and
successful. But I want to tell you something I have found to be far more valuable…
the secret to finding yourself.
Let go:
The first thing I learned on my journey to myself is to let
go of anything and everything you thought you knew, or needed, to be happy. Over
the course of your life you will develop your own list of items, opinions, perceptions,
relationships that you will genuinely believe you must have in order to be
happy. You will stay awake at night tearing yourself apart if something in one
of these areas is struggling and may truly believe that you are inadequate or
incapable of being simply Ok, without finding peace in this area…. My baby, let
it go. That thing does not define you, it should not control you, and it is
absolutely not the one true ticket to happiness. if it is causing you pain,
tearing you down, and leading you to believe you are inadequate, it does not
serve you. Let it go.
This letting go will be painful, and scary, and strip you of
everything you thought was important. But once its gone, you will see the most
beautiful thing, you will see you, your core, what’s important, and you will
shocked at just how peaceful that core will feel.
Stay true to yourself:
My child in life, there will be several times that you will
be faced with a situation in which you will want to speak up, defend yourself,
share your side of a already traumatic story in the hopes of maintaining your image
or altering others perceptions of you in order to save face. Don’t do this
baby. The opinions of others is fleeting and participating in the hurt will do
nothing more than prolong the pain. Five years from now you wont even remember
the names of the audience keeping you up at night now, so simply do what you
believe is right, Make decisions based only on your own thoughts and opinions,
do only what your heart tells you to do. keep your forward motion, and stay
focused on who you are and what you need to be at peace with who you are. Those
who love you already know the truth, and for everyone else… the truth will be
revealed with time. Hold your head high, knowing who you are and what your truth
is and allow that to be enough to rest peacefully at night and stand behind
yourself even when no one else is around.
Be free:
This, my baby, is a big one. If I had only one wish for you
it would be that you become so incredibly free from all societal expectations
or constraints. I want you to dance in the rain, run through open fields, never
stop chasing those sunsets, and always laugh the loudest in a quiet room. But more
than that, I want you to be free of your own constraints…. I want you to know
that you can change directions, at any moment you can decide that the life you
spent years building is no longer the life you want, and if that happens I want
you to simply turn around and start again down a new journey, thanking the past
for the joy it gave you, and looking forward to new chapter of unknown. Its ok
to evolve, its ok to start over, its not ok to stay committed to a decision
that no longer brings you happiness simply because at one point you said that
you would. This can be anything from careers, relationships, living
demographics, to personality, interests and opinions. When we force ourself to
stay committed to a thing we no longer believe in we dim our light and commit
to a life of unhappiness. So please, Just be you, unapologetically and whole
heartedly. You are beautiful my love, in all forms, please don’t ever stop
following your light.
Know that I am always behind you:
Above all else my friend, please never forget that I am
always here. I am here cheering you on when you succeed, but I am also here to
hold you when you fail. If one day you want to go to the Olympics and the next
day you want to be a peanut salesman I will respond to each aspiration with the
same enthusiasm as a mom whose child was the first to land on the moon. My
baby, there will be days when you feel as though you are walking on clouds, when
everything is going right and the sun is shining down on you, and on those days
I will smile and watch quietly as you glow in your element so happy for your success.
There will also be days where your heart is heavy, where you feel as though everything
and everyone is against you, and it will take all your strength to pick
yourself up and get out of bed in the morning, ill be there for those too, to offer
you comfort, love, acceptance, and remind you, that no matter what, you are
still my first pick for any team. My dream for you my love is that you see yourself,
accept yourself, and love yourself the way I do for you. Regardless of if you
have it all figured out, even if the you today is completely different then the
you that existed yesterday, weather the world is with you or against you, I pray
that you go to bed each night proud of yourself, strong in your convictions,
and content in the truth of who you are and what you have done.
So my babies, if I can teach you nothing else in this life, I
pray that you will learn just that.
I love you babies, more than you will ever know. Stay kind,
stay free.
Xoxox-momma
