My
babies, i have felt it for a while now, i see it peaking out, glimpses of your
transition into independent little souls. It started out as little things, here
and there, but its rapidly increasing and slowly becoming the norm instead of a
rarity.
And
while I cannot wait to meet the incredible humans i know you will become, I find
myself walking into these beautiful moments and feeling desperate to be able to
to just tuck it away in a place I could come back to on the days I miss the
versions of you both as my little buddies. The days where your hands are
still too small to carry most things yourself, but fit around my fingers so
perfectly. The days where bath times have bubble beards and anything can be made
better with a balloon. These days that are slowly changing into princess
castles, Nerf gun fights and scooters in the park…. And oh my word are these a
blast. Your newfound interests and abilities have completely transformed the
dynamics of our relationship, playing with you in your world, watching you
create stories and act them out, always the fastest, bravest, strongest, you no
longer need me to hold your hand and the higher the hill the faster you’ll
roll. My sweet little toddlers that needed me to match them step by step as
they began to navigate this world, are being replaced by these beautiful
children barreling ahead of me to see what adventure is waiting.
And while I am welcoming my new friends with open arms, I would like to write
this letter in an attempt to freeze this moment. To keep this sweet spot
between big and little.
Noah,
being a part of your life has been the most incredible experience. Your loving
tender heart has been changing my life since the first time I heard it beat.
You have done so much and touched so many lives in your four little years, I
can only imagine what you have in store for the future.
You are practical, always
weighing the pros and cons. You like rules, and order, but you would prefer if
you got to be in charge of them. You care about things, and are careful to keep
them safe. Since you were a baby you've been able to remember every single toy
and who gave it to you. Always saying thank you even years after you received
it. You are grateful for what you have and take care of things that matter. You
can keep track of the tiniest Lego for weeks on end, never losing it, even when
you take it to bed with you. You prefer to put your important things up
high so they won't get ruined even when that means not playing with them.
When experiencing something new you get quiet, you don't display
much emotion either way, you take it all in, every detail. I used to think this
meant you were unhappy, I would tire myself out trying to entertain you, then I
realized, you are happy, this is just you, you’re memorizing it, figuring it
out, drawing out maps in your head because no doubt you will be able to
navigate it on your own next time around. Later, you will describe in perfect
detail every bump in the sidewalk, color of each building and instance that
confused you that you want me to explain.
You’re extremely cautious, this is not to say that you don’t like
risks, you just like to know you have control. You practice every day on your
dirt bike, each time taking those corners a little faster than before.
“Carefully fast” that's how you’ll ride. You “promise.”
You are my little super hero, always looking out for those in
need. Your the kids that stops to help their friend that’s struggling
regardless of the situation.
You’re sensible with just enough spunk to keep you fun. Your
little wiggly side peaks out at all the right moments. But oh my goodness that
incredible little mind of yours, always learning, soaking up information
like a sponge. There is nothing you don't want to know. Facts are like candy to
you, you don't want a bogus baby version you want to hear what things do and
how they work until you could build it yourself.
You are my buddy, you open my door, help with the laundry, carry
all the heavy things. You look to me with that smile for confirmation when you
want to know if someone is telling you the truth. We send our secret messages
across the room and know the other one understands…..I can see the beautiful
man you are becoming, and I know your life is going to be one I am going to
want to see. But for now I want to watch you buckle that ninja turtle helmet as
you take one more lap around the yard before dinner and let you have pizza for
the 3rd night in a row because its all you want to eat and this phase won’t
last forever. 
Malia, you entered this world every bit as perfect, brave, and
outspoken as you are today. You are the kind of girl who leaps first and looks
second. You always want to be thrown higher or pushed faster. You aren’t
worried about what's coming because you are so focused on what's going on in
the moment. You feel with your whole heart and are both the greatest lover and
fighter i’ve ever known.
You are stubborn. Oh my goodness your tiny little frame thinks its
big. You will shake your itty bitty finger at me and complete my 3-2-1
countdown with a giggle and a grin. Even though we both have known since before
you even responded that you were going to comply, you just enjoy the
challenge…when you’ve had enough you’ll slowly banter toward what ever i asked
you to do in some nonchalant way that tells me you’re doing it because you want
to not because I told you,
You are confident, you’ll walk right up to any princess at Disneyland and just know THEY are there to see YOU.
however your confidence doesn't come from vanity, more so, an assurity that
your love will be returned. You are there to share a moment with those princesses,
because you know without a doubt, that they love you just as deeply as
you love them.
And lord how you can love. There isn't a creature you can pass that doesn't make you ball your little hands together and say in a squeaky little
voice “its soooooo cuuuuteeee!” you are constantly mothering anything around
you, bringing the dog blankets, bringing our friends babies their pacifiers,
wrapping your stuffed animals up and shushing them to sleep. When I am sad you
bring me your special blanket, your “biti”, selflessly offering me the thing
that always brings you comfort.
You are kind to everyone you meet. Always offering your toys and
snacks to anyone who even glances in their direction and You are always the
first to give up your place when someone is waiting in line. You are content to
sit back and watch someone else enjoy something so long as you can cuddle up
with me while you wait.
And you
are already so hungry for more. Every day you pick out one of your princess
dresses (literally the only thing you have been willing to wear for the last 4
months) and you dream up a world where you do all the big things. You check
every day to see if your hair is as long as Rapunzel's yet and have been
keeping your eyes out for “wedding dresses” when we go to the store. You want
earrings and hair bows and always make sure your dress matches the princess on
the movie when its your night to pick.
You and
I have learned so much from each other these past two and a half years. Our
roots were made strong through our rough beginning and the relationship that
emerged in the end is unlike any i’ve ever seen. You are my muddy little
princess, wild and free, you live in such a state of independence but at the
end of the day you can’t sleep until we’ve cuddled up together playing with
each others hair or talking about the events of the day.
And the
two of you together…..an unstoppable force. Noah you are always there to make
sure your sister doesn’t stray too far. You are aware of the rules and want to
make sure we follow them. Malia your persuasive sense of adventure always pulls
your brother out of his shell just enough to keep him smiling. You two are
always off in your own little worlds together fighting bad guys and saving the
puppies. You stick together when it's dark outside and one of you wants to grab
something but feels scared. You find safety in the comfort of each other and
brave the night together. You get on each others nerves, and there are times I
have to separate you two… but you are always asking for each other before long
because at the end of the day you are two peas in a pod, best friends ready to
take on the world.
I love you both so incredibly much….As I write this I see a
stuffed bunny rabbit and a paw patrol helicopter by my feet, and I am all to
are of the fact that those thing will soon be replaced with backpacks and
homework, so just for tonight I will leave them be, I will linger a little
longer as I check on you one last time before going to bed, and I will try my
hardest to keep these moments just a little bit longer, before these days are
gone and these little friends are replaced by the amazing people I am so eager
meet.
