To my beautiful babies as they grow,

    My babies, i have felt it for a while now, i see it peaking out, glimpses of your transition into independent little souls. It started out as little things, here and there, but its rapidly increasing and slowly becoming the norm instead of a rarity.

    And while I cannot wait to meet the incredible humans i know you will become, I find myself walking into these beautiful moments and feeling desperate to be able to to just tuck it away in a place I could come back to on the days I miss the versions of you both as my  little buddies. The days where your hands are still too small to carry most things yourself, but fit around my fingers so perfectly. The days where bath times have bubble beards and anything can be made better with a balloon. These days that are slowly changing into princess castles, Nerf gun fights and scooters in the park…. And oh my word are these a blast. Your newfound interests and abilities have completely transformed the dynamics of our relationship, playing with you in your world, watching you create stories and act them out, always the fastest, bravest, strongest, you no longer need me to hold your hand and the higher the hill the faster you’ll roll. My sweet little toddlers that needed me to match them step by step as they began to navigate this world, are being replaced by these beautiful children barreling ahead of me to see what adventure is waiting. And while I am welcoming my new friends with open arms, I would like to write this letter in an attempt to freeze this moment. To keep this sweet spot between big and little.

    Noah, being a part of your life has been the most incredible experience. Your loving tender heart has been changing my life since the first time I heard it beat. You have done so much and touched so many lives in your four little years, I can only imagine what you have in store for the future.

 You are practical, always weighing the pros and cons. You like rules, and order, but you would prefer if you got to be in charge of them. You care about things, and are careful to keep them safe. Since you were a baby you've been able to remember every single toy and who gave it to you. Always saying thank you even years after you received it. You are grateful for what you have and take care of things that matter. You can keep track of the tiniest Lego for weeks on end, never losing it, even when you take it to bed with you.  You prefer to put your important things up high so they won't get ruined even when that means not playing with them.

When experiencing something new you get quiet, you don't display much emotion either way, you take it all in, every detail. I used to think this meant you were unhappy, I would tire myself out trying to entertain you, then I realized, you are happy, this is just you, you’re memorizing it, figuring it out, drawing out maps in your head because no doubt you will be able to navigate it on your own next time around. Later, you will describe in perfect detail every bump in the sidewalk, color of each building and instance that confused you that you want me to explain.

You’re extremely cautious, this is not to say that you don’t like risks, you just like to know you have control. You practice every day on your dirt bike, each time taking those corners a little faster than before. “Carefully fast” that's how you’ll ride. You “promise.”

You are my little super hero, always looking out for those in need. Your the kids that stops to help their friend that’s struggling regardless of the situation.

You’re sensible with just enough spunk to keep you fun. Your little wiggly side peaks out at all the right moments. But oh my goodness that  incredible little mind of yours, always learning, soaking up information like a sponge. There is nothing you don't want to know. Facts are like candy to you, you don't want a bogus baby version you want to hear what things do and how they work until you could build it yourself.

You are my buddy, you open my door, help with the laundry, carry all the heavy things. You look to me with that smile for confirmation when you want to know if someone is telling you the truth. We send our secret messages across the room and know the other one understands…..I can see the beautiful man you are becoming, and I know your life is going to be one I am going to want to see. But for now I want to watch you buckle that ninja turtle helmet as you take one more lap around the yard before dinner and let you have pizza for the 3rd night in a row because its all you want to eat and this phase won’t last forever.

Malia, you entered this world every bit as perfect, brave, and outspoken as you are today. You are the kind of girl who leaps first and looks second. You always want to be thrown higher or pushed faster. You aren’t worried about what's coming because you are so focused on what's going on in the moment. You feel with your whole heart and are both the greatest lover and fighter i’ve ever known.

You are stubborn. Oh my goodness your tiny little frame thinks its big. You will shake your itty bitty finger at me and complete my 3-2-1 countdown with a giggle and a grin. Even though we both have known since before you even responded that you were going to comply, you just enjoy the challenge…when you’ve had enough you’ll slowly banter toward what ever i asked you to do in some nonchalant way that tells me you’re doing it because you want to not because I told you, 

You are confident, you’ll walk right up to any princess at Disneyland and just know THEY are there to see YOU. however your confidence doesn't come from vanity, more so, an assurity that your love will be returned. You are there to share a moment with those princesses, because you know without a doubt, that they love you just as deeply as you love them.

And lord how you can love. There isn't a creature you can pass that doesn't make you ball your little hands together and say in a squeaky little voice “its soooooo cuuuuteeee!” you are constantly mothering anything around you, bringing the dog blankets, bringing our friends babies their pacifiers, wrapping your stuffed animals up and shushing them to sleep. When I am sad you bring me your special blanket, your “biti”, selflessly offering me the thing that always brings you comfort.

You are kind to everyone you meet. Always offering your toys and snacks to anyone who even glances in their direction and You are always the first to give up your place when someone is waiting in line. You are content to sit back and watch someone else enjoy something so long as you can cuddle up with me while you wait.

    And you are already so hungry for more. Every day you pick out one of your princess dresses (literally the only thing you have been willing to wear for the last 4 months) and you dream up a world where you do all the big things. You check every day to see if your hair is as long as Rapunzel's yet and have been keeping your eyes out for “wedding dresses” when we go to the store. You want earrings and hair bows and always make sure your dress matches the princess on the movie when its your night to pick.

    You and I have learned so much from each other these past two and a half years. Our roots were made strong through our rough beginning and the relationship that emerged in the end is unlike any i’ve ever seen. You are my muddy little princess, wild and free, you live in such a state of independence but at the end of the day you can’t sleep until we’ve cuddled up together playing with each others hair or talking about the events of the day.

    And the two of you together…..an unstoppable force. Noah you are always there to make sure your sister doesn’t stray too far. You are aware of the rules and want to make sure we follow them. Malia your persuasive sense of adventure always pulls your brother out of his shell just enough to keep him smiling. You two are always off in your own little worlds together fighting bad guys and saving the puppies. You stick together when it's dark outside and one of you wants to grab something but feels scared. You find safety in the comfort of each other and brave the night together. You get on each others nerves, and there are times I have to separate you two… but you are always asking for each other before long because at the end of the day you are two peas in a pod, best friends ready to take on the world.

I love you both so incredibly much….As I write this I see a stuffed bunny rabbit and a paw patrol helicopter by my feet, and I am all to are of the fact that those thing will soon be replaced with backpacks and homework, so just for tonight I will leave them be, I will linger a little longer as I check on you one last time before going to bed, and I will try my hardest to keep these moments just a little bit longer, before these days are gone and these little friends are replaced by the amazing people I am so eager meet.