why having a friend with special needs is frustrating.

My best friend has cerebral palsy. He is considered non-verbal and has very little mobility in all four limbs. Physically he is 100% dependent on his caregivers for any and every need. When I post pictures with him, or talk about him people always say “oh you are such a good person” or “he is really lucky to have you”. No he isn’t lucky to have me, no I am not a good person. I am frustrated. Very frustrated.

            I am frustrated when we go out in public and people stair. I am frustrated when we go to the movies and have to sit right in the front with out necks cranked back the whole time because that is where the wheelchair section goes. I am frustrated when we go to a store and his chair is knocking down everything on the isle as we try to squeeze through. I am frustrated when we go to the zoo and there are whole areas we cannot see because his chair cannot make it up the hills. I am frustrated when we go to amusement parks and we cannot go on the rides because they are not set up for people in wheelchairs. I am frustrated when we are at church and people look directly past him to talk to me, and ask ME questions about HIM. And I am so beyond frustrated when people tell me how lucky he is to have me in his life.

Heres why

            I met Richard when I was 18, I was in a bad place. I was trying to leave behind a past I couldn’t escape, I had cast off God years ago, and I was headed no where fast. If I hadn’t met Richard, I am 100% positive I would not have let myself live to see the life I have today. Richard saved my life. Richard showed me that there is still humanity in this world. He taught me to forgive even when others hurt you. He taught me to keep putting yourself out there, even when people look right past you. Richard is hands down the most amazing man I have ever met in my entire life. And I am the one that is lucky that he was willing to accept me, in the broken messed up state that I was in, as his best friend.

            Richard deserves so much more than this world is set up to offer him. It is far to common to hear a store manager tell an employee to set up a store a certain way, knowing it will make it hard for people in wheelchairs to access because “it wont affect THAT MANY people.” That is so frustrating. That is saying that the feelings of my best friend, the man who saved my life, are not important. That if he wants to do something as simple as go to the store, he cant, because the appearance of your display is more important that him.

            I am livid every time I take my kids to the zoo and I see signs that say ‘no wheelchair access beyond this point” which at our zoo is pretty much any attraction past the flamingos. Sure you can pay to have a golf cart drive you around the zoo, buy why should he have to be treated so different to do an every day task. Why not just make it wheelchair accessible in the first place. 

Most people in wheelchairs feel different enough, embarrassed enough, they are aware enough of the fact that everyone has to do everything for them…shouldn’t they be able to go to the zoo without having an entire zoo staff making accommodations for them to see the animals they paid to go see.

            Richard is an adrenaline junkie, he loves to turn his chair up to top gear and fly down the halls taking off pieces of the wall as he turns the corner, he is always so pumped to go to the fair each year. But when he gets there he has to sit on the sides and watch his friends go on the rides. He spends every minute of every day trapped in a body he is unable to control, couldn’t they tweak the Ferris wheel just a little bit so my friend could have five minutes of distraction from his everyday reality?

            I cannot stand when we are out in public, and people come up to us and he says “hi” and they look directly past him to talk to me. HE IS A PERSON! HE IS RIGHT THERE! And regardless of whether or not I think you are deserving of his time, he seams to want to make a connection with you. Would it kill you to make conversation with him?? I understand that lack of exposure to people with disabilities can leave people feeling uneasy when they encounter someone in a wheelchair or with any disability. And I know that it can be hard to carry on a conversation with someone whos English is hard to understand, However that does not give you the right to ignore them. Quite honestly I feel a little uncomfortable talking to someone who feels comfortable ignoring the presence of another human being, but I’m still talking to you, and want to know who taught me to give such grace to others?...Richard.

            Richard is without a doubt an angel. He brought me back to god, and showed me that humans can be good. He fearlessly responds to every joke, every question, the pastor says right there from his spot in the front pew every Sunday. He sings along to the choir with the most beautiful voice I have ever heard, and he Never. Stops. Trying. Richard has more grace, more compassion, more courage, than any person I have ever met. Richard is the only adult I know who embraces life as if nothing could stop him, and yet he has every limitation. Richard is my person, he is my rock, he is who I aspire to be like when I grow up. He is the reason I am still here. I am not a “good person” for being his friend. I am lucky, no, So incredibly blessed. That he is mine.