a letter to my younger self

To my younger self,

I wish this letter could travel through time to find you and tell you the things you need to hear.
I want you to know we're ok, we climbed that mountain and though it was treacherous it brought some of the most beautiful views...

I want you to know how temporary this seemingly unending pain is, and promise you that someday you will look back at this time and see beauty and strength where you now feel broken and weakness.

I want to tell you that you are doing the best you can. I know your best is currently messy, sporadic and incredibly flawed. But your intent is what matters and I know how hard you are trying. Give yourself grace sweet girl, this thing we call life is hard, your emotions, actions, reactions, and opinions are all normal parts of the human that you are. Its ok to not have a handle on it all yet. Youll get there. Give yourself time.
For now, Say sorry when you should, admit when you are wrong. And let it go when there is nothing left that you can do.

If I could only tell you one thing it would be that its ok to just be you.
 Is ok to be the quiet one, the loud one, the crazy one, or all of the above. right now being you may just be figuring out what version of yourself you even like, and thats ok. be all of them. individually or all at once, just be you.
Its ok to not know how you feel about something, emotions and events are tricky, you don't have to decide how you feel right away, give yourself time to process it, you'll feel better about your responses when they are true to you and not an imitation of your surroundings.
Its ok to not know, Seriously, ask questions, admit when you are wrong, strive to learn more than you teach, you cannot get better if you refuse to learn what you do not know.
You DO NOT have to have your future planned right now Its ok that you don't know at 17 how you are going to support yourself when you are 30....you are a kid. Society has this false idea that the second we turn 18 we should be fully ready to support ourselves or working toward the degree that will get us to that point. Society is wrong my love, all you need to do is find what sets your soul on fire and follow it until it no longer brings you joy. There is no "right" way to live. Right now at 28,  if you looked at a timeline of our life since leaving high school, you would think you were reading 3 completely different stories, yet each was just a chapter, a blimp in the overall story of us. each version of our life shaped us into who we are today, yet none of them were dependent on a career we did or didn't choose at 17. At the end of the day, it has never been how you make your money that matters, its who you spent your time with, the family you created, and ensuring that you left each person you visited a little better than you found them.
so rather than stressing over What you are going to be, focus simply on Who you are going to be... be kind to everyone you meet, live your truth even when it goes against the grain, take every opportunity you are given regardless of how much it scares you, never stop believing in the good that could be, and for the love of all that is holy, please stop flipping off the camera, you are going to want to show those pictures to your kids someday!

As for the future? Its so so worth it. I am not going to lie to you, there is no path that is free of all conflict, and life is going to throw you some curveballs. You are going to get knocked down from time to time, but every time you rise you rise higher. Your ability to love and be loved will deepen as you allow those around you to bring beauty to your pain, and you will learn to be the beauty in others when they hurt. You will realize that being happy doesn't mean never having a bad day, it means choosing the life that brings you the most meaning and embracing the ups and downs that your unique path brings to you.

We may never feel like we have it figured out, but I am beginning to think that may be ok. So my promise to you, and my future self is to continue to embrace that unknown, to allow myself time, to always strive for improvement but allow myself grace when I fall short, and to never stop believing in the positive hiding in the pain.

It gets better sweet girl, so, so much better. and you are going to want to be around to see it. So hold on, believe in the good, and trust your journey. Let's see where we end up.

Sincerely, you.