Recently our newsfeeds have been filled with a gut wrenching story of a woman who was brutally raped behind a dumpster by a young man with a well paid lawyer, and women everywhere have realized a very startling truth, that our bodies are next to worthless in the eyes of the justice system. The stories you see in your newsfeed vary from the media's reports on a horrific incident followed up with a picture of a well groomed boy and his swimming times. Yet gives little information about the women who was assaulted other than the brutal condition she was found in and the heart wrenching things that happened to her. There are many articles containing outrage over the fact that this young man only received 6 months in prison… less with good behavior. In fact the only thing I read that humanized this young woman at all was her own letter, reliving this horrific experience as she describes the unbearable pain she has endured and will continue to endure for the rest of her life because of that man's actions.
Her letter describes bruises on her body, missing clothing and the unimaginable moment she read online about her own rape. She describes how she asked her parents not to watch the news then crumpled into her mother's arms while telling her she had been assaulted, and the nation followed her as she fought, begged and pleaded the justice system to do what is right. Yet it didn't. It failed her and continues to fail thousands of others every single day. Her attacker only received 6 months in prison. 6 months for the raping, dehumanization, and mental trauma she will endure for the rest of her life, and his father is sitting on the sidelines complaining that he won't be able to have his favorite snacks in prison….
Here is what I’ve learned. I have learned that out of “1000 rapist, 994 walk free” (RAINN,2014) I learned that ⅔ rapes are never even reported. I learned that 1 in 5 women will report being raped in their lifetime. 1 in 5… and let's keep in mind that 2 out of 3 don't report it.
And rapist are the least likely to face jail time compared to any other criminal charge. I have seen the victims be interrogated with questions like “what were you wearing” and “how much did you drink” “were you sexually active before?”
These statistics scare the shit out of me, and they should scare you too. I look at my beautiful baby girl and I know that according to statistics the possibility of having to hold my baby girl as she sobs into my arms after someone else decided to use her body against her will for their own sick needs is more a matter of When than if. Even if I do not let her go to her friends for sleepovers, and even if she never goes to a college party, even if I talk to her every single day about stranger danger and meeting new people in public places, I cannot be there with her when she walks between college classes, I cannot join her on every single jog she takes around the neighborhood. There will be times she will have to walk to her car by herself and there is nothing I can do about that. And I am terrified. I am terrified and I am all but powerless, because there is one thing I can do.
I can help be the voice of change. I can raise my son to know a woman's worth. I can raise him to show love and respect and understand that No means no. I will have those awkward talks with him at a young age so he grows up knowing what's right and what's wrong. I can teach him to walk his friends to their cars and to always speak up when he thinks he sees someone in a uncomfortable situation. I truly believe in gender equality but I am also not blind to the fact that a female walking with a male is less likely to be attacked than a female walking by herself or with another female. I can see the physical differences between a female and males stature and admit that no matter how many self defense classes I enroll my daughter in, I would still prefer she has a trustworthy male friend to escort her home when possible.
As for the justice system, I will no longer be silenced. I will no longer be the 2 out of 3 who remains voiceless because it makes no difference anyway. We as women have been fighting for hundreds of years to be allowed to work, vote and have our independence, I think it is time we fought for our bodies too. It is time to speak up about the violence inflicted upon you. It makes no difference “what you were wearing” and the amount of alcohol you consumed does not decrease the worth of your body at any given moment. An attack is an attack regardless of what kind of clothes were forcibly removed from the your body.
These questions are degrading, and put in place to protect the attacker not the victim. Somehow a woman in a bikini leaving the beach becomes a temptress to a poor innocent boy who simply couldn't control his actions…. Thats bullshit.
I may not be able to promise my daughter a life free of an assault.. And that kills me. Literally kills me just to think about. But I will use my voice every single day until the justice system understands that it is 100% in no way, ever, the victims fault. We need less interrogation of the victim and more punishment for the attacker. We need rapists to know they will not get away with it and to not be given the opportunity to hurt someone again 6 months after they've proven themselves untrustworthy.
Contrary to what the father of the Sanford rapist wants you to believe, a rapist does not simply make a bad “20 minute choice” a rapist takes an entire life from their victim. He steals her relationships from her significant other, how she views her children, how she interacts with friends, instills gut wrenching fear for all social encounters in the future, and even if she is brave enough to speak up and is able to get herself the mental/emotional help she so needs, she will never get to be the woman she was before she was attacked. But god fobid her attacker “cannot have his favorite snacks” (https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/2852614-Letter-from-Brock-Turner-s-Father.html)
The following two links have multiple facts about rape and other criminal statistics.
This is the link to a letter written by the stanford rape victim. A letter she should have never had to write.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/katiejmbaker/heres-the-powerful-letter-the-stanford-victim-read-to-her-ra?utm_term=.uoN4e76w#.dqPj5nJ2
This is the link to the stanford rapists father's letter.
http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2016/06/05/3784913/stanford-sexual-assault-dad-letter/
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